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54 questions to ask your parents before it's too late

The stories you'll wish you'd asked about: childhood, love, the hard years, and what they want you to know. Print the list, pick a few, and start with the easy ones.

How to ask

Childhood

  1. Where did you grow up, and what was the house like?
  2. What's your earliest memory?
  3. What did you get in trouble for as a kid?
  4. Who was your best friend growing up, and what did you two do?
  5. What did your family do on a normal weekend?
  6. What were your parents like when you were young? What do you wish you'd asked them?

Growing up and getting out

  1. What did you want to be when you grew up?
  2. What was school like for you, honestly?
  3. What was the first job you ever had, and what did you do with the money?
  4. What music, cars or clothes did you love as a teenager?
  5. What was the bravest or most reckless thing you did when you were young?

Love and family

  1. How did you meet Mom / Dad? What did you think the first time you saw them?
  2. What was your wedding day like? What went wrong?
  3. What do you remember about the day I was born?
  4. What was the hardest part about being a parent? The best part?
  5. What did you hope I'd be like? What surprised you?
  6. Is there anything you wish you'd done differently with us?

Work and making a living

  1. What work are you proudest of?
  2. What was the worst job you ever had?
  3. Who taught you the most about work?
  4. Was there a moment money was really tight? How did you get through it?
  5. If you could have had any career, what would it have been?

The times you lived through

  1. What big event do you remember exactly where you were for?
  2. How was the world different when you were my age?
  3. What changed in your lifetime that you never expected?
  4. What do people my age get wrong about your generation?

The hard years

  1. What was the hardest year of your life? What got you through it?
  2. Who did you lose that you still think about?
  3. What's something you've never told me?
  4. Is there anyone you wish you could apologise to, or thank?
  5. When were you most scared?

Who you are

  1. What makes you laugh every time?
  2. What do you always say? What's your catchphrase?
  3. What are you secretly proud of?
  4. What's a small thing that makes a day good for you?
  5. What would you want to be remembered for?

Food, home and traditions

  1. What meal reminds you most of home? Can you teach me to make it?
  2. Which family recipe should never be lost?
  3. What traditions did you grow up with, and which ones did you keep?
  4. What did holidays look like when you were a kid?

Places

  1. Where is the most beautiful place you've ever been?
  2. Where did you feel most at home?
  3. Is there a trip you always wanted to take?
  4. If I could visit one place from your life, where should I go?

Beliefs and advice

  1. What do you believe that most people don't?
  2. What's the best advice anyone ever gave you?
  3. What do you know now that you wish you'd known at my age?
  4. How did you know when to stay and when to walk away?
  5. What does a good life look like to you?

For the future

  1. What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?
  2. What do you hope our family keeps doing after you're gone?
  3. Is there a story you want to make sure gets told right?
  4. If you could leave one message for someone not born yet, what would it say?
  5. What do you want me to remember when things get hard?

Printed from aigriefbot.com/questions-to-ask-your-parents

How to get the real stories

  • Start easy. Childhood homes, first jobs and how they met warm people up. Save the hard years for a second conversation.
  • Ask "what happened next?" One follow-up question gets more than three new ones.
  • Bring photos. An old picture opens memories that a question can't.
  • Record it. With their permission, a phone voice memo is enough. Their voice telling the story is worth more than any notes.
  • Do it in pieces. Twenty minutes over dinner, a few times a month, beats one long interview.
  • Let silences sit. The best part of the story often comes after a pause.

Questions people ask

What are good questions to ask your parents before they die?

Questions that open stories rather than get one-word answers: "Where did you grow up, and what was the house like?", "How did you meet?", "What was the hardest year of your life, and what got you through it?", "What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?" The full list above has 54, grouped by life stage.

How do I get my parents to open up?

Start with easy, happy memories like childhood homes, first jobs and how they met, and save the hard questions for later. Ask one follow-up for every answer ("what happened next?"). Old photos are the best prompt there is. And record it, with their permission, so you're listening instead of taking notes.

Should I record the conversation?

Yes, if they're comfortable. Their voice telling the story is something you'll treasure. A phone voice memo is enough. Ask first, and tell them they can skip anything.

What if my parent has dementia?

Long-ago memories often stay clearer than recent ones, so childhood, early work and old songs are good places to start. Keep sessions short, follow their lead, and don't correct them. The feeling of the story matters more than the facts.

Can someone else ask the questions?

Yes. Some parents open up more to a grandchild, a friend or a professional interviewer. AIGriefBot's Legacy interview asks the questions for you, one at a time, and keeps their answers in their own words.

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