What makes a eulogy for your dad different
For a lot of people, a father's love showed up more in what he did than in what he said: the car he kept running, the rides at six in the morning, the way he was always in the stands. If that was your dad, name those things. A eulogy that lists what he did, in detail, can say "he loved us" more clearly than the words themselves.
If he was a man of few words, you may know less about parts of his life than you'd like. Ask the people who saw other sides of him: an old friend, a coworker, someone he served with, his brother. One story you've never heard can open up the whole eulogy.
And if he was the funny one, let him be funny. A joke he always told, told the way he told it, is often the moment the room breathes again.
A shape that works
- Who you are. "I'm Maria. He called me 'kid' until I was forty."
- Where he came from. Where he grew up, his first job, how he met your mom (or the people who mattered to him).
- What he did with his hands and his time. His work, his projects, the thing he could never stop tinkering with.
- Two or three stories. At least one where he's at his most himself: stubborn, generous, ridiculous.
- What he taught you. Often it's one sentence he repeated your whole life.
- A goodbye. Plain words are fine. "Thanks, Dad" has ended a lot of good eulogies.
Questions to get you started
- What was the advice he gave over and over, word for word?
- What did he teach you to do: drive, fish, change a tire, keep score, make pancakes on Saturday?
- When did you see him proud, even if he didn't say so?
- What's the story he told at every family gathering? Could you tell it his way?
- Who else would he want mentioned: his friends, his crew, the people he looked after quietly?
Example passages to adapt
Replace the brackets with what's true about him, and cut anything that doesn't sound like him.
An openingI'm [your name], [his name]'s [son / daughter]. If you knew my dad, you know he'd hate this part: people standing up and saying nice things about him. So I'll keep it to what's true. He was [three plain words], and he [one thing he did for years without being asked].
A storyThe summer I was [age], he decided I was going to learn to [skill]. It took [how long]. He never once raised his voice. When I finally [got it], he just said, "[his words]," and went back inside. That was my dad. Big things, small words.
A goodbyeDad, you always told me [his advice]. I'm going to keep doing that. Thank you for [the thing you're most grateful for]. We've got it from here.
If he wasn't always there
Not every father was present, and not every relationship ended in a good place. You can still speak honestly without saying everything. Talk about the times that were good, what other people loved about him, or what you've chosen to carry forward. You can also keep it very short, or decide not to speak at all. Both are allowed. Whatever you didn't get to say to him can go in a private letter instead, where you can be completely honest.
Questions people ask
Is it okay to use humor in a eulogy for my dad?
Yes, if he was funny. Tell a story he would have laughed at, the way he would have told it. Keep the humor about his life and his habits, never about how he died.
How do I mention his military service or career?
Briefly, and through a story if you can. Instead of listing ranks or job titles, tell one moment that shows what the work meant to him. If you're unsure of dates or details, check them with family or his paperwork first.
What if he was a private person and I don't know many stories?
Ask the people who knew other parts of him: old friends, coworkers, his siblings. Even one new story helps. It's also fine to talk about the small, quiet things you did see; those are often the most moving.
How long should it be?
About three to five minutes, roughly 400 to 700 words. Read it aloud once and time it. You will speak more slowly on the day.
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